2002 Jell-O Best Performance Art
Performed by Bobby Marshment-Howell and Walker Good
So here’s the story. It was exactly 900 years ago, this very night, more or less, when the barbarous Austrians took over Switzerland. They took over the whole countryside and went around asking everybody for tribute of one kind or another.
People didn’t have much money in those days so the barbarous Austrians decided to hold regular potlucks, and told everyone that they had to bring a hotdish! That is the kind of heavy-handed thing that barbarous Austrians did in those days.
So anyway, in this one valley, there was this one guy, William Jell. He was well-known there and a pretty regular guy. He was out one day, messing around when these barbarians rode over and demanded that he come to the potluck and bring a hot dish. Well, ol’ William Jell was not into that, being Swiss and therefore more of a neutral observer, he declared that he would not bring a hotdish at all, but would be resting on his couch at home watching TV, eating Jell-O, while everyone else was at the barbarous potluck.
Well, those barbarous Austrians went nuts over this, as you can imagine. So they followed William Jell home with their big gang of Teutons and waited for him to make the Jell-O. When it was ready they busted in and said, “OK smarty pants, just for that you are going to have to shoot that Jell-O off of your son’s head!”
“OK,” said William Jell, “let me get my son and my Jell-O, and I’ll meet you in the back yard.” He told his son to be calm while he got his bow and arrows out, and got ready. In the back yard, he put the Jell-O on his son’s head. And walked away, about 20 paces.
He stood quietly for a moment, aimed and let fly.
The Jell-O was struck fairly well in the middle, jiggled slightly, then fell off the boy’s head. The Austrians left in amazement, and William Jell and his son went in to watch football, which is what independent Swiss people did in those days.
The End.
